BIG LOO

It was a snowy morning in 1959.  My baby brother Alan ran out to the living room to see what Santa had brought him.  Now what to his wondering eyes should appear? – why it’s better than Santa and eight tiny reindeer, it’s a 3 foot Robot named Big Loo.  None of us could believe it.  Had Santa really brought this creature from another planet on his sleigh? And how on earth (or his planet) did he fit it down our chimney?  Was he really our friend from the moon like it said on the box?  Or is he here to destroy earth as we know it?

Alan was beside himself with delight. After Big Loo was out of his box it was time to evaluate all the wonderful things this toy of the “future” could do.  He could talk – with a little help from some batteries and wind up handle located in the back of his head.  Lou really didn’t have much to say, his vocabulary was extremely limited.  His chosen words were “I’m Big Loo, I will fight for you, I Am your friend, I can pick things up.”These commands could be repeated until the batteries wore down or your arm became too tired to crank the handle.

Lou had bright red eyes which sparkled when he talked (ok so they were tiny red light bulbs also running on batteries).  HIs eyes grew bright or dim depending on how fast you were willing to wind his handle.  The robot had a water squirter, a whistle, a compass and other assorted gadgets.  Loo had a great disposition always smiling, I guess that’s because it was painted on.

Not quite sure how to say this tactfully, but Big Loo had the most amazing nipples.  They were actually strategically placed rubber darts.  When you pulled the lever in the back, his nipples took off like rockets. They were usually aimed at me, and after being assaulted by the beastly breast of Big Loo, I would “boob” until my dad demanded to know what the hell was going on.  Much to my delight Alan would get in trouble and Big Loo was put in time out.

One of Loo’s hands was outstretched and opened and closed (with a little help of course).  There was a weird plastic thing, an alien bomb of some sort that he could throw across the room.  Loo picked up things. You had to be patient with him, it took him about an hour and Alan thought it was worth the wait.  His other hand pointed straight out and had a big hole in the top. This was so you could place his 6 red balls into the shoulder (6 balls?, oh well after all he is from the moon). Another lever would release Big Loo’s balls into the air and fling them aimlessly.  Alan expected us to pick them up for him. No way it was his robot and wasn’t Big Loo suppose to, in his own words “pick up things”?

Big Loo had amazing feet. He was on rollers so he could glide around with ease.  Instead of toes like humans, he was equipped with rockets that could be launched with menacing force. It seemed like there was no end to the talents of this wonderful 3 foot robot from the moon.

After years of playing with Big Loo, time began to take it’s toll.  Parts of him began to break off and deteriorate. Yes it looks as though the robot from the moon, will be living out the rest of his years on earth.  And so it is. Big Loo is retired and living the good life with Alan in New York.